Hello all! Haven't posted in a few weeks. I've just been waiting to get some news. But so far, that 'ol adage applies, no news is good news. I did find out on Tuesday of this week that our file has been passed on from the reviewer to the director's desk. He apparently has many of the cases trying to use this same decreto sitting there. From what I can gather, he has yet to approve any of them and is trying to decide what to do. So please, say your prayers that he will approve all of them. I have been praying non stop and sleeping with my four leaf clover, rubbing my rabbit's foot, patting Buddha on the belly, keeping my fingers crossed and anything else I can think of that may be in our favor. God bless. I will post as soon as I get any tidbits. Thank you for being here!
Gayle
Friday, September 29, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
REALITIES...
I went into the local pottery store, full of anticipation and renewed hope. The change of seasons does that for me. The crisp feeling in the air reminds me that life is ever changing. This fact in itself cultivates a sense of a better tomorrow. I enjoy the change in color schemes and the decorating that goes along with it.
I was engrossed in the rich hues of reds, orange and yellows, and planning my house's ensemble for the season, when the next isle over, reality hit me,..smack in the face...CHRISTMAS decorations. This, I was not ready for...the thought of Christmas. A reality that I was not yet prepared to think about was the fact that we may very well have to weather another Holiday Season without Ben home. I felt like running from the store screaming to the top of my lungs with grief. "How can we do this again?", was what kept going through my mind.
Last year I was gracious and kept telling myself that it was OK for Ben's fostermother to share his first Christmas. Afterall, he wouldn't remember it and we would have every one after that. But now, I no longer feel that way. I am selfish and I want my son home. I am tired of someone else telling me about his holidays and sending me pictures. This nightmare no longer seems real and it just gets worse!
I was engrossed in the rich hues of reds, orange and yellows, and planning my house's ensemble for the season, when the next isle over, reality hit me,..smack in the face...CHRISTMAS decorations. This, I was not ready for...the thought of Christmas. A reality that I was not yet prepared to think about was the fact that we may very well have to weather another Holiday Season without Ben home. I felt like running from the store screaming to the top of my lungs with grief. "How can we do this again?", was what kept going through my mind.
Last year I was gracious and kept telling myself that it was OK for Ben's fostermother to share his first Christmas. Afterall, he wouldn't remember it and we would have every one after that. But now, I no longer feel that way. I am selfish and I want my son home. I am tired of someone else telling me about his holidays and sending me pictures. This nightmare no longer seems real and it just gets worse!
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Decisions
DECISIONS...this process is full of decisions. Even though, as adoptive parents, we feel that most of them are out of our hands. We have been in process for a little over a year and the biggest decision for every family is, "Will this be a good match". Every one of us wants to provide our child the world. That includes knowing that they will love us and be happy that they are a part of our families. I have to say that since our last visit, this has crossed my mind a few times. After Ben's obvious aversion, I have considered what if he just plain does not like me? But that is a subject reserved for another day.
I have been posed with the situation of adoption disruption a few times. The latest reason for thinking about it is by way of a friend. I have a dear friend that is experienceing a difficult adoption. For the people that are not at the core of the situation, they have, through concern for her, hinted at "other alternatives" to completing this adoption. That pretty much boils down to a disruption. The birth mother is allowed to back out up to the final decree, when her signature is required for the very last time. Adoptive parents are allowed to decide otherwise for much longer. We can disrupt the adoption during process, but we can also disrupt after the child comes home. This happens more often than you would think. In many cases it is due to no one's particular fault. Sometimes circumstances are just not the best for everyone involved. Other times, there are problems that can lay claim to blame. There have been many parents that have brought their "healthy" children home to find out that this is not the case. They may feel that once the truth is discovered, they are not equipped to handle the needs of this particular child. In either case, whether small or large, and no matter what stage the adoptions is, I am sure that the decision is a gutt-wrenching one to make.
My friend has had the question of disruption brought up to her a few times. At this point, she strongly refuses this option. She has met her daughter-to-be and now considers her flesh of her flesh. That is what happens when we go visit our children. When you hold that child for the first time, they miraculously become "our child". Forget that they were brought into this world by another. It's hard to describe the mentality. For me, I know that Ben was not conceived in my womb, but that line of separation from reality is very blurred. Almost to the point of being imaginary. All of the documents, courts and professionals helping us, prove that he was born by another woman. But my bond could not be any stronger to my child. He may have been brought into this world by a different woman, but he was born of my heart and soul. So, when someone considers disruption, it is not a simple matter. I have had one person mention terminating our adoption to me only once. She is someone that I love very much and I know she suggested it only because she also loves me. When she spoke those words and it finally sunk in what she was talking about, the mother lion in me sprang to life. I wanted to pounce on her and shred her from limb to limb in defense of my son. Instead, I politely, explained why that is not an option. I tried, with all of me effort, to hold back the flood gate of emotion this question threatened to burst forward. I'm not sure, but I would say that the flash of red in my eyes and the smoke rolling out my ears gave her a pretty good indication that this was a sensitive subject and not up for discussion. She has not brought it up again.
But this is not the case for everyone. I have spoken to some and heard of many cases where the adoption was disrupted by the adoptive family. For some, this is an answer. For my friend that I am sure will read this, it is not good or bad. I don't know how it will effect you, but now that this subject has been brought to your attention, the thought will probably not be far away. Once brought to me, I have revisited this idea many times. Mostly out of concern for what is best for my son. Almost instantly I come to my senses and quickly smack my brain for running along those parellels. But the thought is always close at hand. I guess it's there mostly because of the unknown. We have not a clue when Ben will be allowed to come home or if he will like it here, or us. The unknowns nag at me. Only time will tell what is best. Pray and hold dear that "A" is waiting. She is in a good place and well cared for. All will work out according to plan. It just may not be what you were planning. Go until you can go no more. If that time comes, you will know it. And know that there is no shame if it is your decision. Follow your heart. God will show the way if you allow him to. You are always in my prayers.
Gayle
I have been posed with the situation of adoption disruption a few times. The latest reason for thinking about it is by way of a friend. I have a dear friend that is experienceing a difficult adoption. For the people that are not at the core of the situation, they have, through concern for her, hinted at "other alternatives" to completing this adoption. That pretty much boils down to a disruption. The birth mother is allowed to back out up to the final decree, when her signature is required for the very last time. Adoptive parents are allowed to decide otherwise for much longer. We can disrupt the adoption during process, but we can also disrupt after the child comes home. This happens more often than you would think. In many cases it is due to no one's particular fault. Sometimes circumstances are just not the best for everyone involved. Other times, there are problems that can lay claim to blame. There have been many parents that have brought their "healthy" children home to find out that this is not the case. They may feel that once the truth is discovered, they are not equipped to handle the needs of this particular child. In either case, whether small or large, and no matter what stage the adoptions is, I am sure that the decision is a gutt-wrenching one to make.
My friend has had the question of disruption brought up to her a few times. At this point, she strongly refuses this option. She has met her daughter-to-be and now considers her flesh of her flesh. That is what happens when we go visit our children. When you hold that child for the first time, they miraculously become "our child". Forget that they were brought into this world by another. It's hard to describe the mentality. For me, I know that Ben was not conceived in my womb, but that line of separation from reality is very blurred. Almost to the point of being imaginary. All of the documents, courts and professionals helping us, prove that he was born by another woman. But my bond could not be any stronger to my child. He may have been brought into this world by a different woman, but he was born of my heart and soul. So, when someone considers disruption, it is not a simple matter. I have had one person mention terminating our adoption to me only once. She is someone that I love very much and I know she suggested it only because she also loves me. When she spoke those words and it finally sunk in what she was talking about, the mother lion in me sprang to life. I wanted to pounce on her and shred her from limb to limb in defense of my son. Instead, I politely, explained why that is not an option. I tried, with all of me effort, to hold back the flood gate of emotion this question threatened to burst forward. I'm not sure, but I would say that the flash of red in my eyes and the smoke rolling out my ears gave her a pretty good indication that this was a sensitive subject and not up for discussion. She has not brought it up again.
But this is not the case for everyone. I have spoken to some and heard of many cases where the adoption was disrupted by the adoptive family. For some, this is an answer. For my friend that I am sure will read this, it is not good or bad. I don't know how it will effect you, but now that this subject has been brought to your attention, the thought will probably not be far away. Once brought to me, I have revisited this idea many times. Mostly out of concern for what is best for my son. Almost instantly I come to my senses and quickly smack my brain for running along those parellels. But the thought is always close at hand. I guess it's there mostly because of the unknown. We have not a clue when Ben will be allowed to come home or if he will like it here, or us. The unknowns nag at me. Only time will tell what is best. Pray and hold dear that "A" is waiting. She is in a good place and well cared for. All will work out according to plan. It just may not be what you were planning. Go until you can go no more. If that time comes, you will know it. And know that there is no shame if it is your decision. Follow your heart. God will show the way if you allow him to. You are always in my prayers.
Gayle
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