I went into the local pottery store, full of anticipation and renewed hope. The change of seasons does that for me. The crisp feeling in the air reminds me that life is ever changing. This fact in itself cultivates a sense of a better tomorrow. I enjoy the change in color schemes and the decorating that goes along with it.
I was engrossed in the rich hues of reds, orange and yellows, and planning my house's ensemble for the season, when the next isle over, reality hit me,..smack in the face...CHRISTMAS decorations. This, I was not ready for...the thought of Christmas. A reality that I was not yet prepared to think about was the fact that we may very well have to weather another Holiday Season without Ben home. I felt like running from the store screaming to the top of my lungs with grief. "How can we do this again?", was what kept going through my mind.
Last year I was gracious and kept telling myself that it was OK for Ben's fostermother to share his first Christmas. Afterall, he wouldn't remember it and we would have every one after that. But now, I no longer feel that way. I am selfish and I want my son home. I am tired of someone else telling me about his holidays and sending me pictures. This nightmare no longer seems real and it just gets worse!
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Oh...I know we haven't been waiting as long as you, but I am getting extremely anxious. I don't want the holidays to come and go and still no Sonja. I will pray for both of us that we can have our babies home no later then the beginning of November!
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